The Wizard of Uru
Dedicated to the brave men and women of the Uru Prologue
Our story so far . . . .
Dorothy and her pet squee, Toto, are out taking a walk one day when an irregularly-shaped crevice, full of stars, suddenly opens beneath their feet! They fall and fall and fall - wait, was that some sort of book ? - and fall and fall, and then land right on top of a computer case. A shimmering figure floats towards them – it is Kha’tie, the Good Moderator of the North! She examines the damage, and announces that the Server Glitch of the East has been debugged! A wild celebration ensues, but is quickly dampened when another, darker figure appears – it is the Wicked Lag of the West! Much discussion and plot development follow, until Dorothy is told she must journey to Uru City, and submit her bug report to the Wizard. Off she goes, following a trail of funny clothes embroidered with a strange spiral hand.
Along the way, she is joined by three fellow travelers: The Login Man, who cannot access Uru; the CrashtoDesktop, who is constantly being booted from Uru; and the Cowardly Explorer, who is afraid to solve any of the puzzles without a walkthrough. Together, they make their way to Uru for an audience with the Wizard . . . .
In Which Our Explorers Chat with the Wizard
(12/14/03 13:45:34) Dorothy: We’re off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Uru - no, wait, that sounds terrible . . .
(12/14/03 13:45:43) Dorothy points.
(12/14/03 13:45:54) Login Man waves.
(12/14/03 13:46:01) Cowardly Explorer: Wh- Wh- Wh- What do we do now, my walkthrough doesn’t go this far . . .
(12/14/03 13:46:14) CrashtoDesktop sneezes.
(12/14/03 13:46:16) Dorothy: The Wizard must be over there .
(12/14/03 13:46:21) Cowardly Explorer: How can you tell?
(12/14/03 13:46:33) Dorothy: Every other path is blocked off with barricades.
The explorers enter the hall, which stretches out in front of them. The hallway is lined with more barricades, and orange cones are scattered about. They approach the end of the hallway when a monstrous apparition appears before them .
(12/14/03 13:47:12) Wizard: Who dares to disturb the Great Wizard of Uru?!?!?!?
(12/14/03 13:47:14) Login Man cowers.
(12/14/03 13:47:16) CrashtoDesktop falls.
(12/14/03 13:47:19) Cowardly Explorer faints.
(12/14/03 13:47:21) Dorothy: I am Dorothy, your Greatness, and these are my friends. We’ve come to submit our bug reports.
(12/14/03 13:47:26) Wizard: Bug reports! Bah – wait, look over there, who’s that?!?!
(12/14/03 13:47:30) phend waves.
(12/14/03 13:47:31) phend: Have you been on the journey? Phil likes the journey. The journey is good. Good journey . . .
(12/14/03 13:47:36) Dorothy: What? I don’t understand, what does that have to do with the BSOD?
(12/14/03 13:47:41) Wizard: And over there, who is that, over there?!?!?!?
(12/14/03 13:47:46) Douglas Sharper sneers.
(12/14/03 13:47:49) Douglas Sharper: Are you lackies for the DRC? Do you know how many Ages they’re sitting on, why you’d quit worrying about your little problems if you only knew . . .
(12/14/03 13:48:06) Dorothy: I’m so confused . . .
(12/14/03 13:48:09) Wizard: And there! Is that the DRC, over there?!?!?
(12/14/03 13:48:10) DRC waves.
(12/14/03 13:48:13) DRC: The cones are for your protection. You will come to love the cones. And accept the cones. And worship the cones.
(12/14/03 13:48:19) phend: Resistance is futile. We will assimilate you.
(12/14/03 13:48:22) Douglas Sharper: Choose sides, now, you must, but choose wisely . . .
As the three interlopers argue, Toto starts playing with a curtain on one side of the hallway, a section that strangely lacks a barricade. Toto pulls the curtain aside, revealing an ordinary man sitting in front of a keyboard, rapidly typing in commands.
(12/14/03 13:49:01) Dorothy points.
(12/14/03 13:49:04) Dorothy: Is that CyanBill? What are you doing here?
(12/14/03 13:49:08) CyanBill sighs.
(12/14/03 13:49:13) CyanBill: Look, it’s a beta, okay? We’re working as hard as we can, but in the meantime, we thought we’d distract you. Speaking of which . . .
(12/14/03 13:49:16) Customer Service: We are sorry, but the cavern will be closing in five seconds. Have a nice day.
(12/14/03 13:49:21) Dorothy: But-